Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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