Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
