Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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