ugly people sure do ruin things
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
