i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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