i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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