I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
