He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize