two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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