I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
