i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
