HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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