I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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