Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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