I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
