Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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