haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
