OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You dont lie about slip and slides
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
