um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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