She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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