I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize