We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
