She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just high enough for therapy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
