I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
