If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
