I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize