I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am one with the molecules
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
