I CAN MOONWALK!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize