Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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