its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
ttyl tear gas
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
