I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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