I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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