You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
