I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How external is "for external use only"?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize