It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
