nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
