Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
