you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
