i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
