did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
