piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
