Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
