he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
