I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
