I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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