you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's never too late to be topless.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
