Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
