this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
