I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
