Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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