The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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