Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
