I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
