You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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