Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
