i jhust puked up my retainher.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
