Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
