remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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