took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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