okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
