yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
