We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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