So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
