Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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