If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize