I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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