I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
