She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
