Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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