I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
