Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
