the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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