For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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