I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
