he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
