Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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