I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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