tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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