i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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