Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
