Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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