so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
