dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
