so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
