I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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