He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
