So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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