You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
