is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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