i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
