We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
