I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize