she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
