My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
