i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
