it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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