What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
