I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
