This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
