how can u be prego again
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
