i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize