my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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