He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
