I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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