Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
