Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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