get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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