so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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