Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
