were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
